How often do we use the words 'trust' and 'faith', and how often do we really understand what we are saying?
In the last while (and especially this week) i have been gaining a fresh understanding of what it really means to say that i trust God or that i have faith in Him. In the past it has been easy for me to say these things as i have felt that i am in control of my life and ministry. I have been like a good layer who only asks the questions that s/he already knows the answers to. I have been trusting God in that which is certain - eternal life. For everything else, i could make a plan.
Recently however, i have had to learn to trust God when nothing is certain. I am learning that the greatest for of trust is when i can see no way out. i am like Gideon, being asked to trust God when humanly the situation seems impossible. i am being asked to trust God with my life now and not only one day when i die and do not have any control anyway. This kind of trust is a trust that i am following his lead when i cannot see the outcome yet, it is asking the questions that i don't know the answers to. I t is walking in uncharted territory with dangers all around me. I can no longer depend on my own insights, experience or understanding. I cannot depend on friends or family.
All of this is terrifying ... and yet it is strangely liberating!
Today i declare (with an unsteady voice) "Christ enough for one - for all!"
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
getting on with the job
This morning in my devotions i was challenged with the following thought:
Suppose the world population was standing at about 5 000 million (yes, it is more than that). And suppose you are the only Christian in the world (no, you are not) and suppose that in the next 12 months you could lead one person to Christ. In the next year you and the person you have lead to Christ each lead one more person to Christ. The question is: how long will it take, if every Christian then every year only lead one person to Christ, before everyone on earth has been reached with the Good News?
Only 32 years!
In this year, i have been running around so much, running meetings, resolving conflicts, doing everything a good minister should - that i have forgotten my real job. Making Disciples not of me but of God.
So this is me getting on with the real job
Suppose the world population was standing at about 5 000 million (yes, it is more than that). And suppose you are the only Christian in the world (no, you are not) and suppose that in the next 12 months you could lead one person to Christ. In the next year you and the person you have lead to Christ each lead one more person to Christ. The question is: how long will it take, if every Christian then every year only lead one person to Christ, before everyone on earth has been reached with the Good News?
Only 32 years!
In this year, i have been running around so much, running meetings, resolving conflicts, doing everything a good minister should - that i have forgotten my real job. Making Disciples not of me but of God.
So this is me getting on with the real job
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Life!
As the signs of new life is evident all around us with the arrival of spring, i am filled with a sense of awe for the author of life itself...
In my garden is a young tree that i planted in a difficult time of my life just before the winter started. Yes, i know it is a funny time to be planting a tree, but i was kind of trying to rescue it and the struggling tree soon became a metaphor for my own life. As winter progressed this young tree began to look dead and hopeless - the force and severity of our icy winter taking its toll. The other day i was walking around in the garden and stood in amazement as i noticed the signs of new life in what appeared to be a dead and hopeless young tree. Don't get me wrong, the tree is still not looking great, but there is HOPE!
Today i am reflecting on the signs of new life in my own life - in every aspect of my life i can still see the results of an icy winter, the destruction and decay left by lovelessness and indifference. but there is hope and in ever aspect of my life there are signs of new life, signs of hope! This does not mean that the struggles are over, but there is HOPE and that hope lies in the Author of life.
May Spring-rains shower your (and my) spirit as we continue to become that which we were created to be.
In my garden is a young tree that i planted in a difficult time of my life just before the winter started. Yes, i know it is a funny time to be planting a tree, but i was kind of trying to rescue it and the struggling tree soon became a metaphor for my own life. As winter progressed this young tree began to look dead and hopeless - the force and severity of our icy winter taking its toll. The other day i was walking around in the garden and stood in amazement as i noticed the signs of new life in what appeared to be a dead and hopeless young tree. Don't get me wrong, the tree is still not looking great, but there is HOPE!
Today i am reflecting on the signs of new life in my own life - in every aspect of my life i can still see the results of an icy winter, the destruction and decay left by lovelessness and indifference. but there is hope and in ever aspect of my life there are signs of new life, signs of hope! This does not mean that the struggles are over, but there is HOPE and that hope lies in the Author of life.
May Spring-rains shower your (and my) spirit as we continue to become that which we were created to be.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
peace?
one of the most difficult passages in Scripture for me to make sense of has always been that of Luke 12: 49-53. How i long for peace in the church (man peace in our leaders meeting would be great)! How i long for a day when there would not be this never-ending conflict amonst Christians themselves a day when "peace on earth" would be more than just a Christmas greeting! When i then read Jesus words in Luke 12:49-53 i cant help but sigh a deep sigh...
Yes i know that the peace that Jesus brings is not the peace that this world brings, i know that it is not the absence of conflict but rather a deep inner peace that is not dependent on external factors but rather on Jesus' sovereignty and saving grace - but still. The problem with peace in the church is perhaps not so much what Jesus was alluding to in Luke 12 but more John 15:18- 16:4 - We all tend to go off on our own crusades in which we fight "on God's behalf" against that which we have decided is an abomination to Him (as if God is not big enough to fight those battles for himself). We go about all self-righteous and judgmental honestly thinking that we are doing God a favor while tearing the body of Christ into peaces, crushing and obscuring the image of God in others. and we say - "it is for God".
The Message that Christ brings of unconditional love, forgiveness and justice all to often brings division rather than peace when our own ego's and insecurities gets in the way.
Again, the words "more of You and less of me" is my hearts desire. may i not ever seek to persecute those who think differently, worship differently and experience differently. May we seek to find the image of God in others and allow God to be God.
Yes i know that the peace that Jesus brings is not the peace that this world brings, i know that it is not the absence of conflict but rather a deep inner peace that is not dependent on external factors but rather on Jesus' sovereignty and saving grace - but still. The problem with peace in the church is perhaps not so much what Jesus was alluding to in Luke 12 but more John 15:18- 16:4 - We all tend to go off on our own crusades in which we fight "on God's behalf" against that which we have decided is an abomination to Him (as if God is not big enough to fight those battles for himself). We go about all self-righteous and judgmental honestly thinking that we are doing God a favor while tearing the body of Christ into peaces, crushing and obscuring the image of God in others. and we say - "it is for God".
The Message that Christ brings of unconditional love, forgiveness and justice all to often brings division rather than peace when our own ego's and insecurities gets in the way.
Again, the words "more of You and less of me" is my hearts desire. may i not ever seek to persecute those who think differently, worship differently and experience differently. May we seek to find the image of God in others and allow God to be God.
Friday, August 17, 2007
De-bugged
I have heard about it a lot, i have been warned against it by many, i have even come close to it at times - but never as close to it as the last month...
Yes i am talking about "burn-out". This year so far has been extremely taxing and i ended up exhausted, stressed, empty and bitter - even to the point of wanting to throw away the collar. Today, i can begin to see the light again.
So how did i de-bug and how am i going to stay de-bugged?
During the last couple of days all i could really concentrate on was prayer and fasting and in this time i spend hours in front of the piano, simply worshiping. During this time, i had wise friends who reminded me to focus of the good , the pure, the excellent, the praise-worthy (Phil 4:4-8). At first i was too tired, but while worshiping God, i found my mind wondering onto the many "good things" in my life and ministry: There is growth in a society that once was ready to die; there is unity in a congregation where there once was only division; this same tiny society has started to grow not only in numbers but in Spirit by reaching out to the community and those in need; there has been miracles in the lives of some young people and heaven rejoices over lost sheep returning home; the has been the miracle in the life of little Ethan-River a baby born with a huge cyst on his lung but when the time came for him to be operated on (one week after he was born) the cyst was nowhere to be found - the doctors are still wondering about that... and so i can go on and on.
How is it that i can focus so easily on that which goes wrong and forget about that which goes right? Why do we always tend to see those who are unhappy and miss the happy ones?
If worship, prayer, fasting and fellowship is what has served as instruments in God's hands to de-bug this little bug, then that is what i need more of in my life. And so the quest to balance continues, but in a new way: more of Him and less of me = balance
Yes i am talking about "burn-out". This year so far has been extremely taxing and i ended up exhausted, stressed, empty and bitter - even to the point of wanting to throw away the collar. Today, i can begin to see the light again.
So how did i de-bug and how am i going to stay de-bugged?
During the last couple of days all i could really concentrate on was prayer and fasting and in this time i spend hours in front of the piano, simply worshiping. During this time, i had wise friends who reminded me to focus of the good , the pure, the excellent, the praise-worthy (Phil 4:4-8). At first i was too tired, but while worshiping God, i found my mind wondering onto the many "good things" in my life and ministry: There is growth in a society that once was ready to die; there is unity in a congregation where there once was only division; this same tiny society has started to grow not only in numbers but in Spirit by reaching out to the community and those in need; there has been miracles in the lives of some young people and heaven rejoices over lost sheep returning home; the has been the miracle in the life of little Ethan-River a baby born with a huge cyst on his lung but when the time came for him to be operated on (one week after he was born) the cyst was nowhere to be found - the doctors are still wondering about that... and so i can go on and on.
How is it that i can focus so easily on that which goes wrong and forget about that which goes right? Why do we always tend to see those who are unhappy and miss the happy ones?
If worship, prayer, fasting and fellowship is what has served as instruments in God's hands to de-bug this little bug, then that is what i need more of in my life. And so the quest to balance continues, but in a new way: more of Him and less of me = balance
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Spider-woman
Honestly, i will not be surprised in the least if i start squirting webs from out of my wrists one of these days (of cause my little boy would think it is extremely cool if his mom could do that)!
For the third time in six months i have been bitten by a really poisonous spider, leaving me in lots of pain and frustration. Now i wonder: is this simply coincidence or is Someone trying to tell me something here? I am not superstitions about these things but this is getting a bit much...
anyway, speaking about spiders... i had a dream some years ago about spiders and webs in the church and about the poison of bitterness, self-centeredness, gossip and pride that spreads easily through the whole church. The antidote for this is within reach (Jesus' unconditional and sacrificial love) but because as ministers (and God's children in general) we are often infected ourselves trough the hurt by another hurting person/s and so instead of breaking the web and assisting in the healing process, we tend to spread more of our own poison. My prayer is that as His children, we will take time to be healed and transformed by His love in order that we my become instruments of healing and transformation in others.
i am thus a recovering spider-woman...
For the third time in six months i have been bitten by a really poisonous spider, leaving me in lots of pain and frustration. Now i wonder: is this simply coincidence or is Someone trying to tell me something here? I am not superstitions about these things but this is getting a bit much...
anyway, speaking about spiders... i had a dream some years ago about spiders and webs in the church and about the poison of bitterness, self-centeredness, gossip and pride that spreads easily through the whole church. The antidote for this is within reach (Jesus' unconditional and sacrificial love) but because as ministers (and God's children in general) we are often infected ourselves trough the hurt by another hurting person/s and so instead of breaking the web and assisting in the healing process, we tend to spread more of our own poison. My prayer is that as His children, we will take time to be healed and transformed by His love in order that we my become instruments of healing and transformation in others.
i am thus a recovering spider-woman...
Saturday, June 30, 2007
I just wanna be a sheep ...
on of the silly little songs that the youth and children likes to sing is that of "i just wanna be a sheep..." all though this song (like many others in the church) irritates me due to its lack of depth and sound doctrine, it reminds me today of a valuable spiritual truth.
I remember as a child of about five-years-old my friend and i walking home from 'kinderkrans' after a lesson about "Jesus the Good Shepherd. My friend turned to his mother - very confused- and asked: "mom if we are Jesus' sheep, am i supposed to 'baa'?
so often, even in my adult life, i have forgotten what it means to be a sheep of His flock. I forget that it means that i need to keep my eyes focused on Him and my ears trained to follow His voice (and only His). I forget that if i don't i can get myself horribly lost. And when i do get horribly lost, i forget that i need to put my pride aside and allow Him to carry me home. I forget that the simplest way to find direction in life or to make decisions is to follow His lead and to go where He has already been.
And so, feeling a bit sheepish, i sing with the kids: "I just wanna be a sheep..."
I remember as a child of about five-years-old my friend and i walking home from 'kinderkrans' after a lesson about "Jesus the Good Shepherd. My friend turned to his mother - very confused- and asked: "mom if we are Jesus' sheep, am i supposed to 'baa'?
so often, even in my adult life, i have forgotten what it means to be a sheep of His flock. I forget that it means that i need to keep my eyes focused on Him and my ears trained to follow His voice (and only His). I forget that if i don't i can get myself horribly lost. And when i do get horribly lost, i forget that i need to put my pride aside and allow Him to carry me home. I forget that the simplest way to find direction in life or to make decisions is to follow His lead and to go where He has already been.
And so, feeling a bit sheepish, i sing with the kids: "I just wanna be a sheep..."
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