Saturday, August 17, 2013

Determining my level of consciousness

It is Saturday morning and i am sitting in a suddenly quiet Medic Room at our base. After an extremely busy 24hour shift i am thinking of my own level of consciousness. In the emergency medical field, Level of consciousness is most often described by using a either the AVPU (Alert, to voice, to pain, unconscious) or GCS scale. Now being tired and therefore somewhat less alert is one thing, but it made me think how often in life am i really alert and fully conscious to everything that happens in my life? I think back over the past 10 years and realise that there were times that i have been mostly unconscious _refusing or unable to see what was going on and certainly not responsive to God's voice in my life. Then there were times when i have been responding to pain only: knee-jerk reactions that were uncontrolled and uncoordinated. moments when i lashed out in pain or where my pain immobilised me to such an extend that i could focus on little more. on many occasions i have been responding to voice, unfortunately, like many of my patients i have often been responding to the wrong voices - ones that might have been well-meaning but often misguided - instead of focussing on the Still Small Voice that knew what i should and should not do, that often was there to calm my storms and fears. If Only i had listened to God's voice more often and focused on Him alone i could have done things very differently On rare occasions like today, despite being physically tired, i am alert and aware. And what a blessing it is in those moments to notice the work of prevenient grace in my life; to see the blessing of an amazing son; to notice the people who share my life with their own pain, voices and brokenness; and to experience on a conscious level with excitement (and a touch of fear) the voice of God in my life. Today i choose to live my life alert and awake under God's supervision again. May in 10 years from now there be more alert times when i look back, than times in a decreased state of consciousness

Saturday, April 13, 2013


Somewhere in the deepest corners of my heart somethings is stirring. A strange sense of familiarity struggles to make itself known. Have i been here before? If I have, why does this remind me so much of the Genesis 1 story of creation? Is it that deep within my being something new is taking shape or could it be that this is His work of re-creation: Restoring me to His original plan and purpose? After so much brokenness, chaos, hurt and confusion could it be that one of the greatest miracles of all is happening in me? Can an old disgruntled Christian with loads of baggage be made new? "I wait ... like watchmen wait for the morning..."