peace or pieces

“ the calm of mind which is not ruffled by adversity, overclouded by sin or a remorseful conscience, or disturbed by the fear and approach of death”. - Eadie

Wow, how i need to have this peace, the peace of God that surpasses all understanding!

During the past week, i have been privileged to sit at the feet of a true teacher and am left with so many things to chew over. I have been challenged in so many ways and inspired to become more focused, becoming more of what i was created to be and allowing for His Spirit to direct my life.

Also, this past weekend, i have been shocked at the direction in which this organization that i work for and love so much is going. And now it is Monday morning, i am left with the spiritual slump of a post-mountaintop experience (that lasted a whole week); with loads of work on a "building and restoration" level and; with the longing for this peace of Christ (which Eadie describes as a "calm of the mind").

Now i used to think that the way to get this "peace" was to create balance in my life, balance that i simply cant seem to find. However, i do believe that the real problem was/is not balance, but rather focus & obedience. i have been running around focusing on the problems i am faced with and not on the much bigger God i am with. I have been looking for signs of trouble instead of looking for signs of God's power and grace. I have been trying to please the people i serve instead of finding joy in the God under who's supervision i stand. I have been seeking approval and validation from people instead of ministering in His authority.

Most importantly, i have been trying so hard to do everything that i think people expect me to do and have forgotten and neglected that to which God has called me in the first place - resulting in me spending 80% of my time in doing that which God has called someone else to do and only 20% of my time on that which God has created, called and equipped me for. Then i wonder why i am lacking the peace of God...

It is time for me to start moving more towards that which i was created, called and equipped to and thus becoming obedient to God's call and will in my life.

It seems i have a choice: either i can obey and be at peace or betray and keep on trying to balance the pieces.