Four years ago, I have found a wonderful book called “breathe” by Keri Wyatt Kent, a book that speaks of slowing down, of taking time out and of Creating space for God in a Hectic Life. The problem is that, up to a week ago, I haven’t had the time to read it so that I could create space. Finally sitting down to read this book however has gotten me thinking: What is it that my life is about? What are my limitations that I am so intend on hiding that I am wanting to create this picture to the world of someone who can do it all, be it all, have it all – without resting at all?
I am amazed, I am amazed at how hard I try to fool the world and I am even more amazed at how hard I try to fool myself!
And so, sitting in a place of tranquillity on a otherwise rainy day, with the sun peaking our from under the clouds causing the raindrops to sparkle like diamonds on ever flower and every leaf, I know that I need to simplify my life. The question is: How, where do I even start?
I will start by taking a deep breath – remembering that the word for Spirit as used in the Hebrew and Greek (and most African languages I am told) is the same. I will deliberately take time to simply take deep, slow breaths every day while reminding myself of God’s presence and power in my life.
I have had to stop and take time to reflect on the things that I value in my life. Last night I have watched the movie “Bruce Almighty” again with some students. There is that conversation between Morgan Freedman – God & Jim Carry – Bruce
Bruce: Well ok… Lord, bless the poor people and let there be peace … on earth. How’s that.
God: That’s great, if you want to be miss America,
But what do you really care about?
That is my next stop, to reflect on what it is that I really care about? I care about my son, I care about my loved ones, I care about people who are finding it hard to experience God’s love and grace. I care about making a difference in the lives of people. Why is it then that up to 90% of my time is taken up by admin – something that I am neither passionate about, nor good at. So, I find myself frustrated in my job and taking it out on my child family and friends.
Right, note to self: Find a way to minimize admin
I am missing the opportunity to do teach not school subjects, but about God and life. I miss putting things into words that makes it accessible to people of all walks of life. I miss sharing my passion and love for God and others with people.
Note to self: Create opportunities to teach
I find myself scatterbrained and spread so thinly that I can’t seem to do a single thing properly and I hate that I am always on damage control.
Note to self: Focus – choose were you are going to make the difference and stick to it!
I am tired of being tired, I am tired of running around I am tired of complaining…
Note to self: Plan better and be more grateful.
I want to have more direction in my life. I hate that feeling of being lost, that feeling of not knowing where my life is going, that feeling of unpreparedness.
Note to self: Start the day by saying “I am available to your direction Lord”
I want to live in the moment, not just dream about the future. I want to be happy where I am at. I want to enjoy the journey; I want to appreciate the adventure.
Note to self: Live life frugally
When I friend of mine asked me over the weekend: so what do you do for fun, I could tell her what every one of my friends, my son and my love one does for fun, but what do I do? What do I really enjoy? What rejuvenates me? What gives me joy that I can do for even half a day every week and what can I say ‘no’ to?
Note to self: Have fun! Be ME (and say no)
Now this is the part where I really begin to struggle: I have been brought up not to be self-centred, not to waist time or money, never to be idle. I have been proud of always being available to everyone – no matter what the time of day or what my needs. And now it is time to reassure myself. It is okay to stop and drink from the wellspring of life. It is okay for me to say no to that which is worthwhile but which I am not called to do. It is okay. I need reassurance that not being busy all the time does not make me less but more, it means that I have more energy and focus to be truly present in the things that I choose to do.
So this is me on a journey to life in the slow lane, I am not there yet and I am tempted to hurry – but I am getting better at being me.