"I did not raise you that way"

2 Tim 1:7 "for God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind"

On Friday Morning i was sitting in a tea Garden with a book about slowing down (that i have often tried to read but never have the time to finish), while my son enjoyed the sun, playing on tractors and with bunnies. It was an idyllic day with the warmth of the sun on my face re-assuring me of the warmth of the presence of the Son in my life.

While reading the book "breathe" i was reminded or the words of 2 Tim 1:7 and it got me thinking...

I have often heard parents say to their children (and not without a little hint of disappointment or frustration): "I did not raise you that way"

here i could almost hear God saying to me "I did not raise you that way" - although in His voice there was no disappointment or frustration, just overwhelming love.

Over the last couple of months with so much happening in my life i was often overwhelmed by fear and ran around like a chicken with it's head chopped off. "what if..." was driving me insane.

And so i hear God say: "My child, i did not raise you that way... in fact - I did not make you that way" God has not given me a Spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind!

Counting down to what?

At Synod Gus asked me what i was counting down to, my answer then was: 'I am counting down to Pentecost'. That was true, that was the idea (then Synod happened and i stopped counting) but i had no idea what i was really counting down to. Pentecost this year brought for me a new and fresh look at myself, stripped of all pretense, bravery and masks. Pentecost brought an overwhelming sense of God's call on my life and of my own limitations. Pentecost reminded me that this was God's call even if it was my life (as a matter of fact, i am even beginning to doubt that it was my life to begin with) and a renewed sense of urgency, hope and of being captured by His grace.

so today, i am beginning to sort out a few things in order to do that which i can do so that i can get out of the way and allow God to do that which is is known for - the impossible.

...6...

Monday : Hope

...7...

Sunday, God has this way of answering patiently even when i behave like a 2-year-old. Pete's sermon was a blessing

...8...

Saturday morning was spent clearing some of the clutter in my house, a time that i used to also clear some of the clutter from my mind - another blessing

...9...

Friday afternoon was spent in simplicity, playing games with my son and reading - thanks be to God for a time of sanity

Count(ing my blessings) down to Penticost

At our Ascension Day Service Pete(rock) challenged us to journal every day about at least one moment in that day when we encountered God: So here Goes:

Wednesday was not a good day for me. My car ran our of fuel in peak-hour traffic on a very busy road with no-where to go to get out off the way. This together with some other struggles and frustration (and probably a bit of pms) left me feeling useless and extremely sorry for myself. I began to reflect on all of my failures and the events of my life that has brought me to the place i am. Eventually i ended up saying i am useless, i am useless in ministry, i am useless in motherhood and i am useless in my personal life... and then i looked around me and so the unwashed dishes and started crying.

On Thursday morning at 00h23 i woke up with an sms from a friend who lives 1000km away pleading desperately for some encouragement to make it through a very dark night. I responded rather sleepily and went back to bed.

When i woke up again at 6h15, there was an sms from the same friend thanking me for my friendship, encouragement and ministry to her over the past couple of years. My son came to disturb my peace with a tickle-fight (which got me moving enough to wash the still unwashed dishes) after which i spend an amazing day of family fun. This perfect day draw to a close with a time of worship and a candlelight dinner.

And so yes, i encountered God. I encountered Him in each of the areas where i felt lost and helpless.

blessed-bug

Ps. there is another post that has been mulling around in my mind for a while now (lets call it 'Esther' for now) and for those who are waiting for this post... please keep bugging me about it until i eventually do it