Monday, May 25, 2009
...9...
Friday afternoon was spent in simplicity, playing games with my son and reading - thanks be to God for a time of sanity
Friday, May 22, 2009
Count(ing my blessings) down to Penticost
At our Ascension Day Service Pete(rock) challenged us to journal every day about at least one moment in that day when we encountered God: So here Goes:
Wednesday was not a good day for me. My car ran our of fuel in peak-hour traffic on a very busy road with no-where to go to get out off the way. This together with some other struggles and frustration (and probably a bit of pms) left me feeling useless and extremely sorry for myself. I began to reflect on all of my failures and the events of my life that has brought me to the place i am. Eventually i ended up saying i am useless, i am useless in ministry, i am useless in motherhood and i am useless in my personal life... and then i looked around me and so the unwashed dishes and started crying.
On Thursday morning at 00h23 i woke up with an sms from a friend who lives 1000km away pleading desperately for some encouragement to make it through a very dark night. I responded rather sleepily and went back to bed.
When i woke up again at 6h15, there was an sms from the same friend thanking me for my friendship, encouragement and ministry to her over the past couple of years. My son came to disturb my peace with a tickle-fight (which got me moving enough to wash the still unwashed dishes) after which i spend an amazing day of family fun. This perfect day draw to a close with a time of worship and a candlelight dinner.
And so yes, i encountered God. I encountered Him in each of the areas where i felt lost and helpless.
blessed-bug
Ps. there is another post that has been mulling around in my mind for a while now (lets call it 'Esther' for now) and for those who are waiting for this post... please keep bugging me about it until i eventually do it
Wednesday was not a good day for me. My car ran our of fuel in peak-hour traffic on a very busy road with no-where to go to get out off the way. This together with some other struggles and frustration (and probably a bit of pms) left me feeling useless and extremely sorry for myself. I began to reflect on all of my failures and the events of my life that has brought me to the place i am. Eventually i ended up saying i am useless, i am useless in ministry, i am useless in motherhood and i am useless in my personal life... and then i looked around me and so the unwashed dishes and started crying.
On Thursday morning at 00h23 i woke up with an sms from a friend who lives 1000km away pleading desperately for some encouragement to make it through a very dark night. I responded rather sleepily and went back to bed.
When i woke up again at 6h15, there was an sms from the same friend thanking me for my friendship, encouragement and ministry to her over the past couple of years. My son came to disturb my peace with a tickle-fight (which got me moving enough to wash the still unwashed dishes) after which i spend an amazing day of family fun. This perfect day draw to a close with a time of worship and a candlelight dinner.
And so yes, i encountered God. I encountered Him in each of the areas where i felt lost and helpless.
blessed-bug
Ps. there is another post that has been mulling around in my mind for a while now (lets call it 'Esther' for now) and for those who are waiting for this post... please keep bugging me about it until i eventually do it
Friday, May 8, 2009
ungrateful
Today i feel guilty for being so ungrateful. Over the last four weeks i have been going around with a "woe is me..." attitude simply because i have had a bit of a stressful time... How could i have been so ungrateful, so self-centered! Here i was, thinking that i am going through a particularly difficult time, when there are people around me, people i care about who is experiencing so much more pain, so much more fear, so much more...
Yesterday, i learned that my younger cousin (a beautiful, kind-hearted, inteligent, gifted, 22-year-old woman) was diagnosed with MS). This would be hard in any family, but with Anita...
Anita is the youngest of two girls, her older sister has downs-syndrome and has had a stroke when she was about 10 years old. She is now in a wheelchair, are wearing diapers and have the mental capability of a two-year-old. Nina's condition has put a tremendous amount of strain on the family. Anita, in her gentle way has always taken care of her older sister with so much love and devotion.
Pray with me for this family- for Anita, Nina and their parents.
As for me, i choose to count my blessings (after all, i am only a bit tired and stressed).
So today i give thanks for my amazing son; an opportunity to minister amongst amazing people; my friends and loved ones. Today i give thanks to for life!
Yesterday, i learned that my younger cousin (a beautiful, kind-hearted, inteligent, gifted, 22-year-old woman) was diagnosed with MS). This would be hard in any family, but with Anita...
Anita is the youngest of two girls, her older sister has downs-syndrome and has had a stroke when she was about 10 years old. She is now in a wheelchair, are wearing diapers and have the mental capability of a two-year-old. Nina's condition has put a tremendous amount of strain on the family. Anita, in her gentle way has always taken care of her older sister with so much love and devotion.
Pray with me for this family- for Anita, Nina and their parents.
As for me, i choose to count my blessings (after all, i am only a bit tired and stressed).
So today i give thanks for my amazing son; an opportunity to minister amongst amazing people; my friends and loved ones. Today i give thanks to for life!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Rain
And so the rainy season begins here in the beautiful Cape...
Last night my sleep was disturbed with the noise of strong winds blowing around everything that it could find; my two dogs complaining outside about the cold, wet weather; and my cat walking up-and-down in front of the window, refusing to go outside but having to go...
So, i got up in waves, first to secure windows, blinds and doors that were banging and making a noise; then to move the dogs to a drier, warmer spot - finding dry bedding for the two; and finally at 3 to do something about my otherwise delightful cat. Not surprisingly, i woke up this morning feeling grumpy and tired - reflecting on the night and the past 5 months that has left me so tired and worn out. The waves of things that have to be done and dealt with over the past 5 months (a divorce, moving, new school for my son, new job for me, my car being stolen, facing the family, facing the in-laws, facing a pastoral commission, facing the world, facing myself, facing the pain of others, dealing with new challenges, new dreams, new hopes, new fears, new excitements, ...) has indeed left me feeling a bit frazzled - yet at the same time, this has been a time of growth and nourishment, i time of truth.
I pray that the rain and storms in my own life will leave me as beautiful as it does the Cape.
Last night my sleep was disturbed with the noise of strong winds blowing around everything that it could find; my two dogs complaining outside about the cold, wet weather; and my cat walking up-and-down in front of the window, refusing to go outside but having to go...
So, i got up in waves, first to secure windows, blinds and doors that were banging and making a noise; then to move the dogs to a drier, warmer spot - finding dry bedding for the two; and finally at 3 to do something about my otherwise delightful cat. Not surprisingly, i woke up this morning feeling grumpy and tired - reflecting on the night and the past 5 months that has left me so tired and worn out. The waves of things that have to be done and dealt with over the past 5 months (a divorce, moving, new school for my son, new job for me, my car being stolen, facing the family, facing the in-laws, facing a pastoral commission, facing the world, facing myself, facing the pain of others, dealing with new challenges, new dreams, new hopes, new fears, new excitements, ...) has indeed left me feeling a bit frazzled - yet at the same time, this has been a time of growth and nourishment, i time of truth.
I pray that the rain and storms in my own life will leave me as beautiful as it does the Cape.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Jephtah's dilemma - part 1
"Which Bible character do you most relate to and why?" - i often use this question as a ice-breaker in the groups that i am leading to try and see where people are at. Today as i read through Judges 9-11 i came across Jephthah again, only to find that i can (perhaps for the first time ever) relate to this obscure character:
So Jephthah, the son of a prostitute, was always frowned upon, rejected and even loathed because he would never completely fit in, never be one of 'them'. What he was (not by any doing of his own) made him unacceptable to others. But then, the proverbial paw-paw hit the fan and so they needed him for who he was, his skills and his strength. Now what, should he respond in spitefulness and anger and refuse to help or should he hear their plea and answer to the call?
How often have i not struggled with this same dilemma: it is often those who would not accept what i am who needs me for who i am. Do i hear their plea and answer to the call or do i lash out in anger and spitefulness?
Well, i will answer the call, i will pray for those who hurt me, i will help them to pick up the peaces when they need me to. I cannot choose for others how they respond to that which is different, but i can choose how i respond to that which they do out of fear, pain and ignorance.
So Jephthah, the son of a prostitute, was always frowned upon, rejected and even loathed because he would never completely fit in, never be one of 'them'. What he was (not by any doing of his own) made him unacceptable to others. But then, the proverbial paw-paw hit the fan and so they needed him for who he was, his skills and his strength. Now what, should he respond in spitefulness and anger and refuse to help or should he hear their plea and answer to the call?
How often have i not struggled with this same dilemma: it is often those who would not accept what i am who needs me for who i am. Do i hear their plea and answer to the call or do i lash out in anger and spitefulness?
Well, i will answer the call, i will pray for those who hurt me, i will help them to pick up the peaces when they need me to. I cannot choose for others how they respond to that which is different, but i can choose how i respond to that which they do out of fear, pain and ignorance.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
A new perspective
Reading through Joshua 9-12 today, it struck me that this land that Israel is taking possession of is the same land that a previous generation thought impossible to enter (see Numbers 13:28).
A new perspective is what we need, a new unshakable faith in our God who gives victories over the giants we are facing.
My prayer is that i will not leave this up to the next generation (although this next generation excites me with their focus on possibilities), but that i will make that mindset shift and live the adventure.
A new perspective is what we need, a new unshakable faith in our God who gives victories over the giants we are facing.
My prayer is that i will not leave this up to the next generation (although this next generation excites me with their focus on possibilities), but that i will make that mindset shift and live the adventure.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
The Fall of Jericho
Today in my devotions i was reading again the story that i used to love as a child - the fall of the Jericho walls.
- now before i continue, allow me to say that i know this if far from an exegesis. It is not meant to be a sermon but a rather loose reflection on where in am. So, without further ado: this is what i felt when i read Joshua 6 today:
For a very long time in my life i have felt like the city of Jericho: strong and steadfast but with high walls all around me so that no one could enter, no one could come to close. I have been serving a purpose that i thought was mine, or perhaps i just wanted it to be mine. In this city of mine those who were allowed 'inside my walls' were given a falls sense of reality and security - they were as much prisoners as what i was (only they did not know it).
In the last few years, but certainly in the last few months, God has been at work in me in a process of breaking down the walls. The people around me did not see the cracks, but God in his grace and wisdom knew better and so in a process that does not make sense to most people (and even to me at times) began the process of setting me free.
There are those who has been a place of refuge for me in one of the most difficult times in my life and they will always be welcome inside the new city. Others will be welcome too, but few will chose to re-enter my life with the new (yet ancient) reality.
It is a painful process for me to allow the "people of God" access to my life, to allow the God of the people to brake down the walls so carefully constructed to keep me safe.
Yet i know that i am destined for more that what i could dream and the temporary embarrassment, the moment of nakedness and complete vulnerability will soon make way for the me that i was created to be...
- now before i continue, allow me to say that i know this if far from an exegesis. It is not meant to be a sermon but a rather loose reflection on where in am. So, without further ado: this is what i felt when i read Joshua 6 today:
For a very long time in my life i have felt like the city of Jericho: strong and steadfast but with high walls all around me so that no one could enter, no one could come to close. I have been serving a purpose that i thought was mine, or perhaps i just wanted it to be mine. In this city of mine those who were allowed 'inside my walls' were given a falls sense of reality and security - they were as much prisoners as what i was (only they did not know it).
In the last few years, but certainly in the last few months, God has been at work in me in a process of breaking down the walls. The people around me did not see the cracks, but God in his grace and wisdom knew better and so in a process that does not make sense to most people (and even to me at times) began the process of setting me free.
There are those who has been a place of refuge for me in one of the most difficult times in my life and they will always be welcome inside the new city. Others will be welcome too, but few will chose to re-enter my life with the new (yet ancient) reality.
It is a painful process for me to allow the "people of God" access to my life, to allow the God of the people to brake down the walls so carefully constructed to keep me safe.
Yet i know that i am destined for more that what i could dream and the temporary embarrassment, the moment of nakedness and complete vulnerability will soon make way for the me that i was created to be...
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